These words aren't for you They're for the rats of emotions That chewed their way through. We say the truth hurts, Then what do our lies do? The truth trapped in the shadows, If you, only knew. The pain that one goes through. Where the truth festers and wishes to show its ugly face. To put the judgemental crowds in their place. To bring light to topics, Where we had run away. That have drowned in their absence, Where lies have become king. As truths were replaced. Imprisoned with in our regret, It's a disgrace that we misplace, Too afraid to be honest, Just so, we can save face, And all those lies, Leave a nasty taste. So much of ourselves, Fearing the real. The mirror of society, That judges us so quickly. The executioner of happy thoughts, Our reflection with a list of negative questions, That keep begging for answers, The child that screams louder than all the noise. There are no toys to which will yield their cries. From the storms brewing deep inside, Lost and from abandoned homes. The truths now missing, displayed on the back of a milk carton, Our lies become that shell around us as we watch our world harden. We’ve all got so confused with life, That we’re all begging each other’s pardons, But being vulnerable in this world is a hard one, As it looks like I’m hanging on by a thread, Because the fibre of me is coming undone. Life throws us all against the rocks and then some, That truth that wants to burst out of you, like a face hugger. But we don't want people to know what's real. As, we prefer to project our other. The truth will break us into a million tiny pieces. Like vampire’s skin meets a single beam of light. We not only lie to each other, We lie to ourselves now too, And the worst thing is, we think that’s right. We trespassed against ourselves as we’ve become blind and lost sight. Lies are the dirty blanket we all wear outside in the rain. As we've become desensitised to every scar and stain. The real you isn't inside those frames. You're trapped inside your head, Dodging demons and jumping through flames. When fine is the perfect performance, It's the only way the dragons tamed. If only for a second of peace, Before the next roll of the dice, Inside these mind games. That gets every smile in the house. Standing ovation, A vacation from the burning truth, Setting fire to the old wooden barn, We tried to hide it in back in our youth. Now everyone can smell the smoke. But can they see the fire? Behind our eyes, Where the souls capsized, Tears that can't be cried. The alien in me that was bastardized. Instead of being baptised into a new-born truth. While demons get drunk In their forsooth. Turning our fears into wine, As they rejoice and dine, There's a banquet for sinister fools deep inside my mind. Better to imprison the real me, Along with the emotions they seek. To live out the lie Is far better, Then revealing oneself a freak. The streets are full of scouts. Looking for the vulnerable now. The violent hands-on clocks are swinging by, But it’s not the time to let the truth out. Why? Don't hold your words back, Don't make honesty be the thing you lack. We write the scripts of our lives, We cast the characters we live by, Our pens tell the words that our hearts cry, We share the stories from our scars As we watch the ink dry. Tell people how you truly feel. There are no rehearsals in this life, It’s opening night, “Welcome to the real”.

I'm a writaholic, ahoy there! Watch me bear my scars, Lick my wounds from invisible battles, that still mark just as hard. As far as my eyes can see, words bombard my mind like illuminated walls of graffiti. Hieroglyphics from one’s own soul, I'm the Pied Piper of literature, taking your child like hearts away from ya. Your young souls now hostage, on a journey through worlds, Weaving words into lines is my Lineage. So many lines for all the ages. But I'm just showing of my age. Like all the rings on trees did, these poems sometimes sabotage my dreams, With every ink stain, can be a mistake made, if it’s not written on a page. My lines give away parts of me, and that's okay. As you meet with the vulnerable and the brave. I write my past pains, into pages, from pens fuelled with scars that have been bleeding for ages. Ink over spilled to kill the demons that become commentators, those thought traitors, running from traumas, but getting caught up on these mental escalators, so I lose my step. But that’s just these ups and downs, that try to drown us with conversations from sinister clowns, that come to town to hunt me down. Because the circus is sadly no longer around. It’s pitched up a tent inside my head, instead entertaining crowds of the walking dead. Talking out loud but these demonic clowns have seasoned my life adding salt to the wounds and pepper to all my constant strife. Writing both day and night learning skills and being inspired to be better. But I’ve been killing letters to get us through the storms that form these battles inside my head. Trying to become better read, but these dark walls painted black all around me, but I must be colour blind, because all I see is red. I write like an addict, making myself sick by the words that I vomit or co-writ, hoping to create a piece that will stick in minds for some time that it won’t decay or die. But all we can do is try to create pieces that make you smile or move you to cry that’s why I write all the time, killing myself to find those perfect rhymes, that are buried somewhere deep inside. Line up those shots for when we hit that full stop, but I don’t stop, words fall from my mind like a bleeding nose bleeds blood drops. I’m a writaholic, with no holiday from it, words are my medicine and curse rolled into one, it’s ironic. What’s even more crazy is I don’t even use a pen tip to save me, there’s no ink flicks, or quills spilt, from all the work that goes into it. I’m a writaholic that can’t quit! Writer’s block is the only time I’m dry or sober, but so far, it’s not over, I feel like I’ve got so many more poems inside my veins that are fighting, biting or clawing their way out of me, it’s insane. Pints of pain still to come, shots from spirits that have been and gone. People saying, I don’t have the bottle, but they got it wrong. I write to tame the beast that lives in me, cathartic need my therapy, a way to express the mean in me I mean this is my truths, my journey my legacy. Ink poor, Ideas rich, discovering poetry was the greatest gift. To stich words into worlds for all to see. I’m all about the poetry. Just like people go to the gym to gain, I’m gaining my strength through searching words and surfing pains. Tomorrow no doubt I'll be hung over the page, thinking of ways to wet your brains.

You stirred my mind, Like a soup flavoured from a thousand voices over time, Echoing In unison, like a chorus leading the blind. Yet I'm left behind. Voices like harsh rocks smashing windows in abandoned homes. Crack dens laced with holes for broken souls. That's where happy thoughts are murderer. A crime scene for what could have been. The mean thoughts that bully the good. Like gangsters who own that hood. Or ghost Like creeps that would murder children in the woods. The dark forest that resides behind the blacks of our eyes, The muffled screams from our inner child trapped inside. That's what darkness feels like. Not a canvas stained black as night. Thoughts that perhaps wanted to be something else. But got caught in the wrong crowd. A plague that spreads across our subconscious ground. Where pieces of hope are shattered and scattered and lost. But desperately hoping to catch that train of thought so they can be found. Muted by the demonic versions, As they fight to find their sound. The diamonds among our rough. In amongst all our painful stuff. Maybe pain is actually our love that got twisted around? Healing that’s confused as its inside out. That blanket of joy that just got stuck. On the thorns of fear that tear through the fabric of you. As those best parts sadly disappear. We stare in the mirror hoping they’ll reappear. Like a delayed magic trick. The kind that makes your mind sick. Sharp thoughts cutting at your flesh. Like a fine red line. That cries from inside. A darkness that thirsts for those metallic tears, Craving a taste for our innocence and deep essence. As we become Landlords, To the band of demons who are now our tenants, That club together, to break our hearts. Bury our diamonds with their spades. Because that's the hands we were dealt. Sadly, our thoughts make it that way. But let’s take a rain check, As we reshuffle the deck. We can clean these dirty hands. And start a fresh. These cards maybe touched by darkness. But we can still see their true value, Their suit. Which suits me just fine. Where there is dark there is light. In the storm of our mind, Hope is that silver line. Stars remind us of this constant fight. As they pierce their way through the dark of night. Like fragmented pieces of broken glass. Or sparkling glowing ninja stars that barely last. That is the battle for all of us. We're both sides of that coin toss. The dull scratched unreadable heads. Yet we have shiny bright new, pristine tales ahead of us. You are not measured by how liquid your wallet is. Or how many amazing kids. Or the acres of the land where you live. Or the amazing job that you did. It's what you can bring to this world. And what you can truly give. Time is the only currency there is, Spend it wisely, Because there are no refunds on this.

I've written to the edge of every page,  From caves filled from our hidden pains,  Where the memories of you   Continue to stain, every frame of my life. Like fingerprints on polaroid’s,  My heart was your plaything, Until you broke that toy. You'd play the field,  As the nocturnal vampire came out,  Out there sucking pleasure from the others you seek,  In secret locations, Or dark alley ways where you’d creep. I was the fool on the edge of love, that fell too deep. Worried sick and losing sleep. As you strip me bare, taking your pounds of flesh,  With plenty of interest.  Eyes on you like a spotlight,  So many drawn into your gaze,  Like sex crazed moths that wanted to misbehave. They could smell the excitement off you for miles, Your natural scent drew them in, Like blood hounds they’d gather around the tables. I thought that you were an angel, An angel that was addicted to sins, As I'm forced to fight with no chance to win. Not knowing what's wrong or right.  Arguments on repeat the track that played for us each night. Haunted by your sweet songs,  Red lipstick and black thongs.  But where did it all go wrong? Black velvet and that little boy’s smile, These lyrics clawed their way into my mind, As they haunt me still for miles. Trust was that bridge between us that cracked and fell apart.  Eaten away by every time you betrayed me. I can count the tally marks across my heart. Every time that knife went in, Your dark version came out. Your dual personality, Trying to love the two of you, but I had my doubts. Falling for a photo hanging on the wall.  My mind lost in a maze of love.  As you caved in all those walls,  And watch me free fall.  Tears for my last performance.  As we hear the crowd applaud,  I'm broken hearted,  I’m that tear-soaked shirt crumpled on the floor.  How many times can you try to fix the glass in a stain glass window? When that piece doesn’t seem to fit anymore. Knowing every time, the sun glows,  The cracks will always show.  And one day when the wind is too strong,  That fragment of glass will eventually go, A kaleidoscope of a love I hoped would work.  But those broken pieces were the lessons we needed to find better hearts.  As ours were far too damaged from the start.  Don't fall for a photo on a wall.  Loving someone you've never met at all.  As your mind creates a perfect story,  One that couldn’t exist, Haunted by that happy ending, Even when it goes a miss. It’s my fault. My hopes were too high. As I put you way up there on a pedestal,  As I watched our fairy tale love.  Take a fatal fall. 

You judged my words, But it's absurd, Of course, there must be a winner, Amongst the herd. But for months we never even heard. Until the wound I felt, Receiving that email, Like a champion fighter losing their belt. That was just the hand I was dealt. For a moment there, my hope started to fade, As those dreams melt. But I don't except that. Words don't stop as soon as they reach the board. You are not the ones that guard, The creative doors. Writing sympathetic letters to heal up the sores, It doesn't even feel genuine anymore. But do you know what? My pen and mind is full of so much more. You can't grade art, I don't want your f**king score. I wish the winner the very best of luck, I was trying to climb that mountain, And I guess I got stuck. But I clean my shoes from all that, shit and muck, And suck it all up. Maybe my words were too hard to read, Maybe when spoken aloud your ears began to bleed, Was it a pitch-black dark seed? Planted deep? Poetry is hard to digest, When the darkness decides to feed. And sinister shape shifters start to manifest. As distress slowly starts to creep, Darkness like a thick fog with fingers, Hijacking your sleep. You can no longer count the sheep, As their all lying there in a bloody heap. Welcome to my world, as I give you peek. It's time to meet with those demons, And play hide and seek. Words aren't all sunshine and rainbows, Some souls are sadly freaks. When it's about people using needles, Whose brains and lives are incomplete. They seek escape just so they can breathe. A world of pain that's too hard to see. But that's just how some souls handle their stress as they disrobe from their dignity. Life is best when they're out of their heads, Living on cloud nine. My story wasn't for you. And that's fine! Maybe another story, Maybe some other time. I don't want to offend my words, That would be a crime. By placing them back into your hands, My poetry speaks for itself, To those souls, Empathetic enough, To truly understand.

What's real? In my reality? My pain is pretty real, As my mind makes that clear to me. But memories are mixed up in thick fog, As I'm losing all clarity. My pain is like paint you see. That has been spilled across many Stages of my life. As I'm confused by the time, It takes to make all these wrongs, right. Memories of being fine, Feel like flickers in the flame, The theme tune to my life, Is the sound of constant pain, My mind like a labyrinth lost in circles, Only to find myself once again, No cure or exit so I’m trapped with this constant pain, But If water was that healing touch, Then I'm that desert crying out for the rain. Hope to be fully me once again, Feels like I’m trapped in a psychological game. That lasts for years instead of days. Where trauma and lack of self-worth were the ingredients to blame deep within, Hiding behind fake bone, As I cry behind my skin. There’s a rare kind of peace I crave that ceases to begin. Every single day, Wanting to kiss this pain away, It's just sadly becoming hearsay. I feel its Infront of me sometimes, Like it's on the cards, But the pessimistic side convinces me It's nothing more than a mirage. Thinking back to when I was pain free, Is just way too f**king harsh, I feel like something has been stolen away There was a heist, Deep inside, For the jewel of my life. The essence of my being, The reason for my living, Where at times the fears, Turned my lungs into stone walls, That try to stop me from breathing, This dizzy world I contend with, As I try to break through the ceiling, As the fragments of hope crumble away, I try to find a crumb to believe in, Broken frame, but heart still pumping just the same, Or like a machine gun full of rage. A new body like a second skin, A new hope where I could escape in. But I'd miss the old me, As that's the original form I came in. A version of myself I so badly want to see, Looking for a raft as I drown in self-pity. In my dreams I'm pain free. Maybe that's why I'm addicted to sleep. People think I'm killing time, But that's better than killing me. To live a kind of reality that makes me happy. But when my eyes open, I'm back to that pain and this complex city. Concrete kills the soul, My eyes wish to drink up nature’s paintings. Every colour in her pallet, But I’m lost, in a time capsule, Forced to drink down paracetamol, Numb the pain, To try and calm the mental. But chronic pain is the hardest pill to swallow. If it’s in my mind? How do I bring back what's mine? Or is it left in my past something far behind? I pray for the day, When I can walk in this world, Like I do in my dreams. Pain free, And this existence is real. Not a fantastical fantasy. As my life is handed back over to me. My balance, my strength, My reality...

Four walls black as sin, A soul on the edge struggles within, The truth trapped inside like paint dries, As the darkness slowly sets in. This is where the nightmares begin. We see the cries for help, across their skin. But do we jump in? Do we take the time to do what’s right? Or do we leave them alone? To fight that fight. Invisible wars are doing more damage than we can ever know, How many wrongs till we do what’s right? That’s just the way it goes, Cold bodies on slabs, Labels now on their wrists and ankles, As they longer use their big toes. Demons we bear in mind tally up their scores, As the body count soars, From so many souls that are sore. Why are so many lives taken so often? What is all this killing for? They tried, As we cried, Scars on their flesh, As their demons subside. But let’s not be blind. This is happening all the time. Too many souls taken in the blink of an eye. Tell me why? Why is darkness so heavy to hold? Too difficult to tell another living soul. An impossible load, Too much pain to behold. Searching for answers in a dark room, Like pirates search for gold. But this isn't something new. This is old. People taking their lives, And leaving a warm bed, cold. I've known people drowning in their dark. Looking for any kind of light, A matchstick flick to create some hope even a spark. But It's just the start. Words are their weapons against the dark. But it's hard when fear sews their lips tight. Looking for the right words to tell someone your pain is the real fight. Suicide is a decision that the hurting decide. But we need those people to pick a different side to suicide. To tighten the seat strap on their roller coaster ride. So, that they can survive. People who have been on the edge, With nothing left, Yet they saved themselves, Coming back from off the ledge. An inspiring role model, To speak the truth, that was never said. The demons win when we stay silent. Speak your pain and truth, And disarm the Tyrant. Too much time is spent, Entrapped in emotional cement, Concrete problems or so it seems, But those foundations can be broken, And in those cracks grow positive seeds, A nightmare dies as life blossoms into beautiful dreams. A life that seemed out of reach. Is now in your hands, As you found your way, And now your words can inspire and teach. Reaching out to those lost in the dark sea, Drowning in the deep end of their misery, As they make that important discovery, A chain breaker that can tell others, how to break free. And live a life full of wonder entranced by mother nature’s flawless beauty.

Were we given these pains, Or mental health, As we are the ones who can express oneself, Helping others to better prepare themselves, When the demons come knocking. Through experience of our own battles, The power we are unlocking, The shocking truth that too many of us choose to be victims, But these words are proof, That you are warriors. Warriors of light! A force brought in, to help with this on-going fight. Demons creeping in both day and night, Silently slipping into our minds, As if our dreams were spiked. Every small step we take is a win. People who have never had their minds in a spin, Could never truly appreciate what we’ve been through. A place where your mind suddenly betrays you, Strange looks, Intrusive thoughts, Headaches, Body shakes, Heart skips a beat by mistake. Pinned to the wall as we begin to quake. But no! We will not break. They will not crack our wall of hope. When the demons come knocking. It is no joke. Where there is smoke, There is fire, Demon’s that have plagued generations for years, Sadly, never retire. They weigh us down, Like heavy clowns’ shoes, Making it impossible for us to move, Spread across the ground. As we look around, These judging crowds. People unaware our minds are now battle grounds. Stood around while we catch our breath, Knocking demons off our chests, We will be ready, We’re at our best. When our darkness puts us to the test. We’re taking bullets daily without the bullet proof vest, When the demons come knocking. We’re lacking the strength, But there is no time to rest. Tricking us with good days, As they sit back mocking us, This is an on-going war we need to discuss. It’s them or us! Invisible, Hard to kill, Taking parts of us, Leaving us crippled, Or physically ill. There’s got to be a better way, I want to feel like I’m living, instead of surviving days. Put a pin in those pills as if it was a grenade, We are past holding our crutches and craving first aid, I have a thirst to take aim as I’m no longer afraid, When the demons come knocking. It’s time for us to kill. As we heal. Finding their weakness their achilleas heel, These demons aren’t manifested they are f**king real. How do we kill, The untouchable, Buried deep in our subconscious unable to feel. Breath, Walk, Laugh, Talk, They’ve drawn the line, Divided our lives with chalk. Gipping our throats, Making us choke, On our own words, Our sentences turn into cross words, I swear by it, I’ve had enough of their shit, It’s time to nuke the lots of them, Like Ridley in Aliens, Stealing precious moments back again, Taking us hostage from our family and friends, Some days you feel like you’re walking on a wire, Life hanging in the balance, We are their puppets as they say dance monkey dance! Stealing the colours from the rainbow, Making our worlds dark grey, Kiss goodbye to confidence, As they kick your legs away. It’s time to kill these motherf**kers once and for all. Feeling like Cinderella trapped at home alone, but I will go to the ball! And there will be murder on the dance floor, As I kill them all! Before they kill us and our time, Humans and mankind, Stealing away our lives, Dreams of being balanced washed away in their tides, Take over our bodies as well as our minds. We are not puppets for the insidious kind. You’ve been in the dark so long, You’re afraid of the light. You’re blind by the blinds you’re trapped behind. Now step into your own darkness as you truly shine. We’re all stars for each other in our darkest of times. Lessons are the lights that we learn in time. As the bell rings to start the fight, Stepping into that blood-stained ring both day and night. But this time we’re ready, When the demons come knocking.